ATLANTA NATIVES ARE RESTLESS

THE "ATL"

THE NATIVES ARE RESTLESS

Stars Fall on Alabama

By Georgia Lee

It goes like this:

“Where are you from?”

“Atlanta,” I say.

“No. What? Really?” The new acquaintance is stunned in wide-eyed wonder, as if I had said -  “I hail from the recently-deceased planet Pluto, may it revolve in peace.”

 Next comes the inevitable follow-up from this immigrant, whether he/she is from the former Soviet Union or Vidalia.

“You’re one of the only ones.” Or “You’re the only native I’ve ever met.”

This is as predictable as “fine, how are you?”

Frankly, I’m sick of it.

I was born in the old Saint Joseph’s hospital that is now a downtown hotel parking lot. At the time, let’s just say during Eisenhower administration, Atlanta’s population was a well under one million, maybe less than half. Why bother to fact-check, isn’t that the beauty of blogs and the Internet in general?

 I grew up in the “City to Busy to Hate.” Atlanta may not have been totally void of hatred, but it did indeed get busy!

We got all excited over the one million mark, then two million people. A real city!

Sometime during the Eighties,  “HOT-LANTA” drew wry winks of approval from those aware of this newly cool, hot city.   

Then the Nineties – The Dawn of the Decade of Doom - destroyed the quality of life that only the few, the proud, remember.

 Things got way out of hand.

 The Olympics changed the downtown landscape for the better – Centennial Park, the Olympic Stadium now home of The Braves, and on and on.

But each year between 1990 and 2000, 100,000 people moved here. 100,000 a year! I do know this to be a fact, and I marvel at it.

Today, the “ATL” sprawls with six million souls. How did this happen? What drew them all here?

 I’ve become a stranger in my own hometown, the last living native. I feel like the Oldest Confederate Widow, or the last WWI Veteran, as perceived by the millions who flocked here before Y2K.

Atlanta is now famous for soul-crushing traffic, sports and strip clubs, though I’m not sure about the last part, since the demise of the Gold Club.            

            I propose an alternative.

            I will inherit 500 acres in L.A. – Lower Alabama. I plan to apply for separate nation status, a reservation for the few, if any Natives left. We will live off the land, shell butter beans and love one another unconditionally. Nudity is optional.

             Future plans may include a resort/casino. I’m not too clear on the hunting lodge aspect, but the county agent tells me the deer population is out of control, so one assumes the deer want to be killed. It would be impossible to outlaw guns, as packing heat is a birthright in the former Heart of Dixie.

We must establish our own schools, as unlike many, we WILL teach Evolution. We will be a true Democracy with Freedom of and from Religion, in the spirit of our nation’s forefathers.

Come ye huddled masses – my childhood friends - who seek refuge from this teeming toxic metropolis.

Step into the light. All are welcome.